##Women

All of what is written in the linked article is true, women are generally expected to make all the sacrifices for a marriage; or more accurately, trained to believe to give up all their hopes and dreams and live according to the lives their husbands choose for them.

And no matter how much we want it to be not true, it is. Even the modern woman feels the pressure from family and society to conform to these social norms. Women should sacrifice, should show patience and all that. And then the all dreaded Sword of Damocles:

Women are told when they get married that their husbands home is their home now, yet they are constantly reminded in their husbands house that of they do not abide by” so and so rules” they might not be able to stay there.

Though that kind of black mailing and threatening is in no way acceptable, it is the accepted methodology employed to, and to excuse the phrase as this is now how I would put it but, keep women in line. Because as a society we all believe that women are the ones we must keep in line, men can do as they please.

##Men

Now talking about men is where I wanted to digress a little from the original posts topic. Though all that is said in the original article is true for the majority of women and men in our societies, it may not be so true for the opposite demographic. Namely, the very minority of modern men and women in relationships.

Now I am not saying that I am an expert in the matter, or saying that this is personal experience or years of research carried out in a scientific manner. All this is what I observe in my life with various modern married couples I meet and so forth. I see a slight different case that gets ignored a bit, mainly because it’s not common (that is debatable without any actual data), and hence might not be worth discussing with relation to the majority issues we just discussed earlier; but in any case lets discuss it anyway.

What I am talking about is the modern man and the modern woman. The man does not make the ridiculous demands of the woman on giving up everything she dreams of etc. And the woman gets to follow her passions, her choice of career and so on. In most cases you won’t notice the social injustice, how so you say, there isn’t any. Both these men and women treat each other with respect and understanding and all that. Where is the injustice?

It’s not so much as injustice as the double standards. You all forget, there are a lot of social pressures on men as well. Yes they are nothing compared to women, and yes you can ignore me by calling me an idiot, but they are there.

A man after he reaches a certain age, is the main provider for the family, be it his parents or later his wife and kids, or even in some circumstances his extended family too. He can’t even begin to think about marriage and kids and so forth unless he has a stable job (usually not something he dreamed of doing growing up). If his parents are rich, great for him, he can pursue his passions for a little while longer, but in the end, even he has to settle down and do a sort of 9-5, stability and all that before starting on the path of marriage. Remember a man without that stability, is not even considered. And let’s not forget the men who want to go ahead and choose their own women, he goes through a lot more scrutiny and judgment (Not all, but most of them).

I know women talk a lot about how they have nothing of their own, they have their fathers home, then they have their husband’s home, with all their associated rules and what not, but they at least have those options. A man, and I am talking about the average man, with modest means, has his parents’ home till a certain age, after that he is pretty much on his own. He gets a job (one that he probably hates, but he gets it anyway), he gets a house (probably not the kind of house he wanted, but he gets it anyway), probably gives up some of his enjoyments in order to afford all of that, and he does that willingly most of the time, without any resentment on his part, because hey, even us guys are trained from childhood to believe that we need to do this. After he has checked all of these fancy checkboxes in some magical checklist (along with a lot of others), he might get on a short list of considerations for marriage. Obviously then the real scrutiny starts. Personal questions, how much does he earn? (That’s not enough! = -100) How much does he save? (That’s not enough! = -100), where does he live? (That’s not a good area! = -10), is he a nice person? (Ok he is ok enough = +0), Does he have a car? (Probably not! = -50), is he in Pakistan or abroad? (Abroad = +1; America/Parts of Europe = +1, Africa/China/Russia? = -100 ).

And being men, these things might bother them, they shrug it off. Move on. Check all the check boxes, and get on with it.

After marriage, he has been told the gentleman respects his wife. Does not make demands on her, considers her dreams and career aspirations and all that. Great, he wants to please his wife, he does that! And if he is lucky, she does the same.

But now I come to the sacrifice part after marriage for men. They give up all their friends and family. A modern wife will not want to share her husband. Because obviously that is what both men and women do right? The man respects the woman’s right to go to work where she wants, meet and make friends with whom she wants, but not the other way around right? That is how it goes?

His way of decorating a house is obviously wrong, we all know men can’t maintain a home. So the house is transformed, and you say mostly for the better! Maybe, maybe not. You liked smoking before marriage? Tough luck, change. Liked leaving your laundry on the floor of the bedroom? Tough luck, change. Liked going out with friends on Friday nights? Tough luck there too bro, and you got it right, Change! Your stuff was exactly where you liked it, the keys there, the phone there, the TV remote there; NO! All wrong, change sir! You want time to yourself to meditate or practice your fancy arts/music/whatever, hell no, too much to do around the house man!

Funny how when he used to live alone, he got everything done in the house, and still had time for all of the things he liked doing. Suddenly having a second person in the house increases the amount of work non-linearly.

Again this is not a general rule, it doesn’t happen to all men. And certainly not me. I am talking a specific scenario to make a point.

You may say, oh that is nothing, and sure I agree it’s not a lot in the grand scheme of things. But please don’t say that men don’t make any sacrifices, and maybe you don’t hear the men complaining, because hey, some of them are happy to make the sacrifices or rather, most of them just don’t complain.

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